Autism: A mother's voice / Interview with Dana and Tameeka part 1
Dana (Left) / Tameeka (Right)
A friend suggested a follow up article on Autism. After thinking about it, from a mother's point of view was the best way to do it. Even after attending a few benefits, I still know very little about Autism. I want to thank Dana and Tameeka for their courage and strength in doing this interview. Thanks to Dana for providing this link if you would like more information:
http://www.sam-inc.org/
http://www.sam-inc.org/
Dana and Tamika
As I said, when the mic was off: I can tell your children are very well taken care of and loved.
How much of a change in the assistance needed is there as a child grows older?
Tameeka: I think it depends on the the individual
Dana: It does depend on the individual. There is such a broad spectrum of Autism. My ex-husband and I had a meeting about the services my son will be provided with when he turns 21. He is currently 17 and you start that process now. Services include: money, housing, work, etc.
When they are approaching the age of becoming a legal adult, starting looking into the process as early as possible.
Dana: Yes, when they are in high school
Tameeka: I am not there yet, my son is 6. Right now, I am trying to prepare him to be as independent as possible. My main focus is on him being able to talk.
To not be able to have a conversation with your child is hard. You have to guess at what they are thinking and feeling. For a child not to able to verbalize that is very difficult. It will be difficult, for them, as an adult if they do not have a voice for themselves. I have to be his voice. I want him to have his own voice as well.
Dana: With Garrett, every once in a while, he will break down and cry. He can not tell me what it is. He knows what it is and eventually comes out. We figure out what did make him upset. It's heartbreaking when they can not say what they are feeling.
For a male child, as they get older, we are still taught to not show too much emotion. Do you believe this aspect could compound (not communicating emotions), or am I way off base?
Dana: No, not at all.
Closing this out. Advice to parents, especially new parents, of children with Autism. I am talking about more from the home part and emotional support. A lot of advice and information can be found online. The emotional side can not.
Dana: Love that child, just like he (she) is just like any other child. Get the help immediately. Like we said earlier (in the interview), the earlier the better. A lot of times, parents are in denial. They wait and are sorry they waited. The younger you are, your brain is like a sponge.
Tameeka: I second that. Because I could talk to my son and he could not respond, I made sure he could feel that he was loved from our family. I hug and kiss him every day, sometimes he gets tired of it.
You are both parents, it is supposed to be like that.
Tameeka: I want him to feel loved. I don't ever want him to feel alone or scared. It is my job as a mother to be his protector. I make sure that is what I do; that he feels safe, protected and loved.
Dana: I am very lucky because I have a whole group of friends. They embrace Garrett and are so protective of him. A lot of times, when I take him out to functions, some people think I am ignoring him. He may be on the other side of the room. I respond: "He doesn't want to sit with me. He is a typical 17 year old boy. When I do go to check on him, (example) "Why are you over here mom?" (laughing) "Go back over there." To the outsiders, it appears I am ignoring him, but I am not.
You are letting him be a typical teenager.
Dana: Yes, exactly! My friends know that.
Tameeka: My son has 2 older siblings. Their friends know who Gavin is and they all love him. He is well loved and I think he knows that and is important in school.
My son also has ADHD and needs to feel secure. He used to push his body between the wall and mattress. He likes enclosed spaces. They make him feel safe.
Please do not take this the wrong way: 100% he is not claustrophobic?
(Everyone laughs) Tameeka: No. We were taught to get him a laundry basket so it could be like his own little cave.
He also makes little noises and gestures. When we go out in public, people look. I ignore it. That is something you have to get used to, not every child (with Autism) does it. You will see and experience some things you would not with a child who does not have Autism. Gavin likes water a lot as do most people with Autism. Gavin has flooded my kitchen and bathroom a couple of times. We finally got dry rice and beans. That kind of stopped the water / lotion because it was a texture issue.
Dana: They are very smart.
That much, I have learned. Autistic people are very, very intelligent..
Tameeka: Just because they can not verbally communicate, does not mean they do not understand. That is what a lot of people misconstrue.
Dana: With Garrett, he will say "I don't know" to things he did an hour ago. Yet, he will talk about subjects from the time he first started speaking. (Examples): He remembers people, places, ceiling fans from up and down the east coast. He definitely has a great memory. There are certain people he will answer.
Technology, virtual environments and phones, is anyone trying to make advances in this area?
Tameeka and Dana: Yes, definitely!
Tameeka: My son uses an IPad in school. There is a program that has pictures. He will identify the pictures and push a button. There will be a verbal response to what the picture is. It helps him to put together the picture and word. My son knows how to navigate both IPhone / IPad and Android devices.
I did learn a lot. Hopefully, this interview will help other people out and with acceptance.
Again, a serious thank you to Dana and Tameeka for their time, courage and strength in doing this interview.
How much of a change in the assistance needed is there as a child grows older?
Tameeka: I think it depends on the the individual
Dana: It does depend on the individual. There is such a broad spectrum of Autism. My ex-husband and I had a meeting about the services my son will be provided with when he turns 21. He is currently 17 and you start that process now. Services include: money, housing, work, etc.
When they are approaching the age of becoming a legal adult, starting looking into the process as early as possible.
Dana: Yes, when they are in high school
Tameeka: I am not there yet, my son is 6. Right now, I am trying to prepare him to be as independent as possible. My main focus is on him being able to talk.
To not be able to have a conversation with your child is hard. You have to guess at what they are thinking and feeling. For a child not to able to verbalize that is very difficult. It will be difficult, for them, as an adult if they do not have a voice for themselves. I have to be his voice. I want him to have his own voice as well.
Dana: With Garrett, every once in a while, he will break down and cry. He can not tell me what it is. He knows what it is and eventually comes out. We figure out what did make him upset. It's heartbreaking when they can not say what they are feeling.
For a male child, as they get older, we are still taught to not show too much emotion. Do you believe this aspect could compound (not communicating emotions), or am I way off base?
Dana: No, not at all.
Closing this out. Advice to parents, especially new parents, of children with Autism. I am talking about more from the home part and emotional support. A lot of advice and information can be found online. The emotional side can not.
Dana: Love that child, just like he (she) is just like any other child. Get the help immediately. Like we said earlier (in the interview), the earlier the better. A lot of times, parents are in denial. They wait and are sorry they waited. The younger you are, your brain is like a sponge.
Tameeka: I second that. Because I could talk to my son and he could not respond, I made sure he could feel that he was loved from our family. I hug and kiss him every day, sometimes he gets tired of it.
You are both parents, it is supposed to be like that.
Tameeka: I want him to feel loved. I don't ever want him to feel alone or scared. It is my job as a mother to be his protector. I make sure that is what I do; that he feels safe, protected and loved.
Dana: I am very lucky because I have a whole group of friends. They embrace Garrett and are so protective of him. A lot of times, when I take him out to functions, some people think I am ignoring him. He may be on the other side of the room. I respond: "He doesn't want to sit with me. He is a typical 17 year old boy. When I do go to check on him, (example) "Why are you over here mom?" (laughing) "Go back over there." To the outsiders, it appears I am ignoring him, but I am not.
You are letting him be a typical teenager.
Dana: Yes, exactly! My friends know that.
Tameeka: My son has 2 older siblings. Their friends know who Gavin is and they all love him. He is well loved and I think he knows that and is important in school.
My son also has ADHD and needs to feel secure. He used to push his body between the wall and mattress. He likes enclosed spaces. They make him feel safe.
Please do not take this the wrong way: 100% he is not claustrophobic?
(Everyone laughs) Tameeka: No. We were taught to get him a laundry basket so it could be like his own little cave.
He also makes little noises and gestures. When we go out in public, people look. I ignore it. That is something you have to get used to, not every child (with Autism) does it. You will see and experience some things you would not with a child who does not have Autism. Gavin likes water a lot as do most people with Autism. Gavin has flooded my kitchen and bathroom a couple of times. We finally got dry rice and beans. That kind of stopped the water / lotion because it was a texture issue.
Dana: They are very smart.
That much, I have learned. Autistic people are very, very intelligent..
Tameeka: Just because they can not verbally communicate, does not mean they do not understand. That is what a lot of people misconstrue.
Dana: With Garrett, he will say "I don't know" to things he did an hour ago. Yet, he will talk about subjects from the time he first started speaking. (Examples): He remembers people, places, ceiling fans from up and down the east coast. He definitely has a great memory. There are certain people he will answer.
Technology, virtual environments and phones, is anyone trying to make advances in this area?
Tameeka and Dana: Yes, definitely!
Tameeka: My son uses an IPad in school. There is a program that has pictures. He will identify the pictures and push a button. There will be a verbal response to what the picture is. It helps him to put together the picture and word. My son knows how to navigate both IPhone / IPad and Android devices.
I did learn a lot. Hopefully, this interview will help other people out and with acceptance.
Again, a serious thank you to Dana and Tameeka for their time, courage and strength in doing this interview.